That time is abstract could not be more clear when you’re nearing the end of a PhD.
I’m sitting here in the library with Marga. She’s a year closer to the light than me and has spent more hours in the library this week than in her house. I feel inspired and so, I join her. We stare into space, write a few words, babble an unfinished thought to the other, zombie-walk to the bathroom, and close our eyes every 20mins (we have one of those anti-eye-straining apps on our computers). So the only duration of time we are aware of is that 20 mins have passed since the last time we closed our eyes. And even then only because the computer forces us to, by making the screen opaque with a colour of our choice. I chose green because it doesn’t matter, my eyes are supposed to be closed anyway. We eat when we are hungry, usually around noon. Day 2. We’ve been here for three hours now. Or has it been six? Maybe five? We said we would work until 2030hrs. How much longer will that be? I feel lost and confused, like a child holding cotton candy with the hand that slipped from her parent’s at a fair, except I don’t even have the comfort of cotton candy. Without looking at my watch or the wall clock or the tiny numbers at the bottom of my laptop screen, I am unable to tell time. Why does it feel like we’ve been sitting here for hours, and then why does it almost immediately feel like we could use a few more hours? Time sort of hovers around, suddenly zooms ahead, then comes back and looms over our shoulders. This seems to happen more often now than before, in all likelihood because we have more to do and finish now than before. I look up at her sitting across the table from me, our laptops back-to-back, and a vision fills my head for a few seconds. I see us sitting here at this table forever, at this exact spot until the end of time. Our twin lunch bags stand next to each other on the table, we are stuck to the chairs, our fingers to the keyboard and our eyes fixed ahead. I would like time to end about now, if you don’t mind.
0 Comments
There’s this idea, some may say fact, that coffee helps awaken the brain especially when it slips into that afternoon idle. There’s also this romanticised relationship between coffee and academics, almost as if you can’t be a real academic without caffeine. “What is a lab without a coffee machine?” I remember asking my PhD advisor in my second week; he was befuddled. A month later we had a brand new coffee machine that he uses more than anybody else, because he loves coffee and couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t bought one earlier. He prefers the strong black ‘cowboy’ kind of coffee from his favourite small roasters in Wisconsin or Texas or our own Rex Coffee in town. He buys them, we all drink them, and they’re delicious. I know people who regularly go through 5 or 6 cups of strong black coffee a day, I’ve had some of those days myself. But there are also days when I drink tea, or just lots and lots of water instead. I do not doubt the scientific literature that says caffeine stimulates brain cells, but I’m not sure how much psychology influences it. Let me explain.
I drink coffee. Sometimes it does its job, so I’m able to do mine. But what if it’s working only because I want it to? What if I psyche myself out about really needing to get work done and allow my brain to think it’s the coffee that’s pushing me? I will the coffee to work, and it does. Sometimes I drink tea, caffeinated, decaffeinated, herbal, it doesn’t matter. And I do my job just as well. Things work with water too. So I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not so much the caffeine (a tiny part, perhaps), but just something to drink, anything. Some days I don’t want to embrace the bitter, maybe I want a light lemony ginger, or just the freshness of cool water. I’m starting to think that just the act of drinking may be enough, at least for me, to stay awake and work. Because if you drink enough of any liquid of your choice, you will have to pee often, and that will require getting up from your chair, walking down the hallway, looking at yourself in the mirror while you wash your hands (because everyone does this), and walking back to the chair. Maybe all this movement and diversion is enough to energize the body and the mind. If you’re a moderate coffee drinker like me, try another beverage for a few days, and see if it does as well. If you need to, kick up the pace of the walk to the restroom and wash your hands in cold water, even splash some on your face (I like to do this), talk to the mirror you and say, “you got this!” (warning: you may get some stares). If you’re a high-level caffeine user, forget everything I said and refill your mug with dark black. I’ll be right back, I need to pee. p.s. There are days where no matter what I drink, I can’t get any work done. I don't have a good explanation for this except, it happens. |
Divya Rameshecology, science, conservation, writing Categories
All
|