That time is abstract could not be more clear when you’re nearing the end of a PhD.
I’m sitting here in the library with Marga. She’s a year closer to the light than me and has spent more hours in the library this week than in her house. I feel inspired and so, I join her. We stare into space, write a few words, babble an unfinished thought to the other, zombie-walk to the bathroom, and close our eyes every 20mins (we have one of those anti-eye-straining apps on our computers). So the only duration of time we are aware of is that 20 mins have passed since the last time we closed our eyes. And even then only because the computer forces us to, by making the screen opaque with a colour of our choice. I chose green because it doesn’t matter, my eyes are supposed to be closed anyway. We eat when we are hungry, usually around noon. Day 2. We’ve been here for three hours now. Or has it been six? Maybe five? We said we would work until 2030hrs. How much longer will that be? I feel lost and confused, like a child holding cotton candy with the hand that slipped from her parent’s at a fair, except I don’t even have the comfort of cotton candy. Without looking at my watch or the wall clock or the tiny numbers at the bottom of my laptop screen, I am unable to tell time. Why does it feel like we’ve been sitting here for hours, and then why does it almost immediately feel like we could use a few more hours? Time sort of hovers around, suddenly zooms ahead, then comes back and looms over our shoulders. This seems to happen more often now than before, in all likelihood because we have more to do and finish now than before. I look up at her sitting across the table from me, our laptops back-to-back, and a vision fills my head for a few seconds. I see us sitting here at this table forever, at this exact spot until the end of time. Our twin lunch bags stand next to each other on the table, we are stuck to the chairs, our fingers to the keyboard and our eyes fixed ahead. I would like time to end about now, if you don’t mind.
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There’s this idea, some may say fact, that coffee helps awaken the brain especially when it slips into that afternoon idle. There’s also this romanticised relationship between coffee and academics, almost as if you can’t be a real academic without caffeine. “What is a lab without a coffee machine?” I remember asking my PhD advisor in my second week; he was befuddled. A month later we had a brand new coffee machine that he uses more than anybody else, because he loves coffee and couldn’t figure out why he hadn’t bought one earlier. He prefers the strong black ‘cowboy’ kind of coffee from his favourite small roasters in Wisconsin or Texas or our own Rex Coffee in town. He buys them, we all drink them, and they’re delicious. I know people who regularly go through 5 or 6 cups of strong black coffee a day, I’ve had some of those days myself. But there are also days when I drink tea, or just lots and lots of water instead. I do not doubt the scientific literature that says caffeine stimulates brain cells, but I’m not sure how much psychology influences it. Let me explain.
I drink coffee. Sometimes it does its job, so I’m able to do mine. But what if it’s working only because I want it to? What if I psyche myself out about really needing to get work done and allow my brain to think it’s the coffee that’s pushing me? I will the coffee to work, and it does. Sometimes I drink tea, caffeinated, decaffeinated, herbal, it doesn’t matter. And I do my job just as well. Things work with water too. So I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not so much the caffeine (a tiny part, perhaps), but just something to drink, anything. Some days I don’t want to embrace the bitter, maybe I want a light lemony ginger, or just the freshness of cool water. I’m starting to think that just the act of drinking may be enough, at least for me, to stay awake and work. Because if you drink enough of any liquid of your choice, you will have to pee often, and that will require getting up from your chair, walking down the hallway, looking at yourself in the mirror while you wash your hands (because everyone does this), and walking back to the chair. Maybe all this movement and diversion is enough to energize the body and the mind. If you’re a moderate coffee drinker like me, try another beverage for a few days, and see if it does as well. If you need to, kick up the pace of the walk to the restroom and wash your hands in cold water, even splash some on your face (I like to do this), talk to the mirror you and say, “you got this!” (warning: you may get some stares). If you’re a high-level caffeine user, forget everything I said and refill your mug with dark black. I’ll be right back, I need to pee. p.s. There are days where no matter what I drink, I can’t get any work done. I don't have a good explanation for this except, it happens. What work atmosphere feels most productive? Do you need complete silence, or are you drawn to mild cafes with the sound of an espresso machine and muffled conversations in the background? Do you prefer windows or would they be too distracting because you’ll want to stare out of them all the time? Maybe it depends on the kind of work you’re doing? Do you have any distractions you would call necessary, that help you work?
Most people tell me they like absolute silence when they have to work alone, and that they prefer to be physically alone like in a library study cubicle. The ones in our library have a tiny window on the door usually facing away from the person inside, so I’m not sure why the window is there. A handful of people tell me they prefer cafes where they can drown out the noise with earphones if it gets too loud, where there may be few people walking about, where you can choose a view with a window or not, you can sit forever and there’s always coffee. They also tell me that they usually only come out to a café when they feel stuck in their work or need a change of scene to regain focus. So, the café is not their primary work space but rather a reprieve from it. My random pool of knowledge comes from informal conversations with undergrads, graduate students, teachers/professors, artists, and writers. I clearly spend a lot of time wondering about people’s work practices. I myself like to use the general library ‘talking is allowed’ area less than often, and the restricted talking floor even lesser. I work better in the library when my friend Marga shares my table and we can think aloud to each other as we work; I find that it helps process thoughts better to say them out loud. I like cafes for a work space when I can afford it. When I’m sitting by a window and know that I can look up after this paragraph and see a few trees, I’m content and focussed and work better. Sometimes I force myself to sit in my windowless lab with Radiohead on low, a soft yellowish lamp, and write. It helps, but soon enough, I realise I need windows. I also like moderately noisy spaces like bars or a house party with a bunch of friends sitting around and enjoying themselves, maybe a beer in my hand, looking up to smile at someone or laugh at a joke before writing another sentence. I remember writing most of my thesis in a friend’s hostel room, small like the other rooms and cozy with the sounds of nine or ten people, laughter and music, short intense discussions in the corner about regression analysis and synonyms for “study”, “understand”, and “investigate”. There are days when I take my lawn chair to sit and work on the porch outside, watching sparrows and robins hop around as I type, thoughts moving through the bird sounds that fill my head. I get so much done before the mosquitoes arrive. I also pick up my phone while I work, sometimes after every other sentence, sometimes after twenty minutes. I’m pretty good at ignoring texts. Sometimes all I do is pick it up, unlock, swipe my homescreen left and right, keep it back down, and start working again. I think I look at my phone more often when I’m in the library or my quiet lab space, than in the café-type atmosphere. I forget about it entirely for hours when I have windows or friends around. The only social media I’m on for now is Instagram, I browse through it some days more than others, and I see and learn so much. So yes, I check my phone often while I work and I used to tell myself it wasn’t good practice, that I should be more disciplined and just turn it off. But now I think maybe I need that distraction to stay focussed. I don’t have an agenda with the phone, it seems to happen without thought. And for now, I let it. Windows, ambient sounds, a phone or an object to play with, and a few friends. These are my necessary distractions. What are yours? |
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